Inmypromise White

The problem with greatness is that spills out of you. I am not cocky I am confident. Like the fiend chasing that first high with hopes to die on the ride. Those with greatness attempted to run from it. The chuckle erupts into a boisterous laughter. The price of the call is a heavy mantle. People who hold destiny in their bowels call themselves cowering like Saul. We embody the substance of greatness and this releases in our walk, choices, rejections, betrayals, acceptance, desires. Outsiders see them post casualties of war, late nights of prayers for an alternate mission. Outsiders call them leader, pastor,dancers, singers, artist, coaches, boss. These are the people who ignite change, pull masses, cause rebellions, redefine the sphere of influence. Each day like Moses reminding themselves of their inadequacies. Pushing forward because the crowd is so thick they can't turn around. The passion is so strong they can't let them down. Fighting for something intangib...

The smiling faces tell a story. The story of what was, and what will be. I loose myself in the moment and allow those smiles to carry me. I was taught how to release. I was granted permission to remove my chains. I used to watch from behind my cage in envy at their innocence. I longed to share with my past selves. Tell the old me the outcome of the new me when we chose to make that decision the last time. The disappoint, let down, broken pieces but, those heavy portions left deep marks in my muscle mass resulting in weight gain. This new weight helped me to push the boulders of doubt, fear, and disbelief. Chains turned bracelets now I dance with words. I fly with imagery. I pull on my greatest passions because the vulnerability I show the stronger they see me. I see the shadow of my former self stand and marionette off the wall. They see a woman who has overcome great trials and have hope that there is a tomorrow. They need me and I need them. We educate each other on ...

Time is fleeting but how we dance with it as it passes sheds light on the marks to be received. Spending your time learning who you are in CHRIST will yield and understanding of who you are. Once this knowledge is attained one not only is able to but must exercise the new body gained with this spiritual transformation. Strength, growth, change comes through passing time utilizing these new attributes to serve other has great reward. This application is a life wasted through living and life gained through giving. That is not what JESUS would do, but its what HE did. Now, alive HE passes time praying for, taking care of us. How are you spending your time?

Little boys like to run and jump off of everything. The world is their trampoline. The highest heights become the greatest spring boards for the he who dares take the plunge. The corner of the couch and a towel are just the right ingredients for a superhero's entry. Then there is a shift and the same voice yelling like Tarzan is at the kitchen table macking. Run, jump, and fall in love with the first girl who smiles and likes a photo. ©InmypromiseWhite

I saw a woman at a pot. She stood there hand on hip, chin up in deep thought. One of the children around the table had a asked her a question. There we stood, some leaned waiting for pearls of wisdom to drop from her mouth. Others grew restless waiting for an answer but I did not move. Did they not see the lines on her face that scripted a lifetime of lessons. She shook herself back and began to stir the bowl in her abdomen. Like giving birth she released a nugget, a perspective, a salve of wisdom that could carry the recipient for years. Those proverbs etched in her pensive glare. There is something to be said about those who stay, absorb, and digest. She sees the capsule in their eyes that confirms they have been here before. Her recollections of past loves, hurts, joys, and pains a reflection of the revelation she sees in the pupils of this next generation. Yes, we stay and take these morsels. She can smell the oven is done. Now retrieving her myriad of ingredients to add...

It is not a “me or you” situation. This is a “if you love me let go” situation. If I love me, I have to pull away. I don't want to be let go of by you. I do want to fly and, my wings are not strong enough to carry us both. My resolve is that I fight to love me at all costs. I have to hold on to the promise that we will meet at the same destination as long as we both pursue triumphantly. I have to lay aside every wait. There is no time like the present. I have played with this gift for far too long. I have but, I haven't; see, I have not been wasting time but, I have not been making progress. I have not been idle but, I have not been advancing. My time has been otherwise allocated and, it occurred to me that the only person making those allocations a priority is me. This admission hurts to make because the time spent was precious. I am busting at the seams with greatness and, it is spilling over into your “love me when I need you” time. Still, that is no...

A dollop of transparency over a huge cup of vulnerability later....... I have seen my BioDad. I was able to ask the questions that used to be hard and turned into cautious but, are now just unanswered. The change I have found came when I took away the expectations. I released rather at the prompting and encouraging of several who pour into me. We've seen eachother, we've establised a new connection, now to walk out this new dynamic and create new memories.

It was one year ago, tomorrow that I last saw my biological father. I make the distinction because I have come to find completion from all the hurts, scars, and emptiness that his absence left vacant. I now have my Heavenly Father to guide me, hold me, reassure me, and discipline me when I need it. One year ago, tomorrow I aided a stranger. I facilitated a need for a man who knew my mother as I grew up. I was around him because he would show up at my paternal grandmother's home quite often. This stranger would not play with me. This all be it on the outside, friend of the family did not read me stories as you do to build rapport with children you just met or, have seen only a couple of times. This man would attempt to scold me and teach me. He did not look or act like the teachers I had known. One year ago, tomorrow I accompanied the family friend who by biology is my father to run some errands. He made it a point to announce at each destination I was his child. It was ...

Please don't touch my bruise. Please stop picking at my wound. I don't want to talk about it and, it hurts when you pick at it. Leave it be and let it heal. What do you mean it won't heal covered up? I need my badge to keep out the dirt and debris. I covered it to keep it from getting infected by your persistent words. Stop! Don't pick at it like that. No, I will not tell you again where it came from. I don't want to replay that moment in time. I prefer to nurse this pulsating pain emitting from me. After a while the pain goes numb and I cant feel anything. I like the numb because it spills over to other wounds that seem to not be healing. I know a girl who is proud of her scars. I admire her triumph. Yet, I sometimes wonder what does she do with the pain now? ©InmypromiseWhite