Happy Father's Day, Mommy!!

Tupac and Boyz II Men have given us great examples of why mothers are held to be so sacred. I agree with their loyalty and reverence, however, my single mother was not my surrogate father. Being raised by a single mother meant that I learned how to be resourceful. Having the privilege of being reared in a house without a man in leadership also taught me how to dismiss the male perspective. I would be an adult before learning the emasculating tone and actions that were my childhood norm like Warner Brothers’ cartoons. These behaviors were masked with domestication to give an appearance of submission. My Mother was the cater to you, cook your meals, rub your back kind of woman. In the very next breath tell you how trifling your last attempt at make decision in her house was because you were not capable of making decisions for her family. I recall giving my mother a card of appreciation for several years in June. Extending the proof this is a systemically societal issue there was a card for me to purchase. The sponge of a child that I was I absorbed all of these responses; filed them away in my relationship database, defaulted to them in my interactions with men. When I was approaching my early teen years Mama gave her life to Christ and, joined a church. She adopted a new mindset. She sat me down and apologized for making the declaration, “I am your Mama and your Daddy.” The figurative language had not been lost on me so, I was confused as to why she was apologizing. Mama went on to explain that she may be providing but, she did not believe that was the role she was supposed to play. Mama protected the family but, she now recognized that as a position a Father was assigned. She sat me down because from that point on in our house Mama was surrendering those duties to her Heavenly Father. My sponge unsatisfied absorbed her message but, all the liquid of the years’ messages got mixed together in my head. It would take years for me to balance the truths that in all communication how we say what we say is just as important as what we say, and do. This has even more weight when applied to romantic relationships. So, this Father’s day regardless of what Hallmark or, any other commercial brand promotes we all need balance in our parenting. I encourage single mothers to seek out emotionally healthy men to mentor, offer insight, and share the male perspective with their children. This practice does not discount the sacrifices you make, the labors your bear, or the joys you share. This act of love brings a well rounded mindset to that child who is paying way more attention to what we do than, what we say.