Inmypromise White

     When I am going to provide an introspective story with the hope of providing an intimate connection to someone with whom I am conversing; I will preface my statement with, “moment of transparency.” The purpose is to create a safe space for that individual to feel comfortable reciprocating my vulnerability. It also forces me to confront the truth that I am sharing sensitive information that may not be handled correctly once I release it. Only with that space of vulnerability will we both grow from the exchange. I recently heard someone say that we critique people by their actions and critique ourselves by our intentions.        Reflections of both my actions and intentions helped me to narrow the ambiguity between the wounds and kisses of our current year. What if wounds from a friend are filled with the venom of an enemy? Where wounds from a friend may be a blessing according to Proverbs; lips are a faucet from the heart which can pour venom from a third party enemy. These

     All these films depict the legacy of kings that can be found in the iris of young men. These moments of celebration inspire me to reflect on my greatest heroine. My Mother was the Queen of every room she entered. Captivating with her wit, beauty, and charm. Days away from openly appreciating the grace bestowed me second by second; my heart tugged at the love she continues to give. Each memory of her intentional training reveals a deeper level of wisdom as I mature, expanding my capacity to understand.        Seeing what she already saw; walking where she already tread. “Gratitude is a posture.” Echoes on various platforms. Gratefully, I sit in my state of reflection holding on to promises of better days ahead. Remember in all your thanks to thank yourself. Give yourself permission to relax and, keep putting one foot in front of the other. In all the lessons my Mother provided me these reminders were caught not taught. Catch! You are worthy of all the appreciation you re

     Looking at the various forms of life lost celebrated on display around town, shivering from the brisk air drop; I am reminded of the time of year. However, the aisles and aisles of candy remind me of children. Children who are tiny humans; not incomplete people. A conversation with a couple of parents about children having the liberty to express themselves emotionally forced me to analyze my thoughts on the emotional freedom we allow children to exert. This conversation lingered with me after I walked away because as an adult; majority of the emotional healing that has taken place in my life was delayed because of my emotional blockage from childhood. Being human enough to have the full brunt of painful situations knock you down, but not having a healthy space to process those experiences is a serious disservice to children. Our children go through the ups and downs that we go through on our roads across triumph, distress, failure, or sudden surprise.        One step f

     What if Job knew that he was a guinea pig in the LORD’s sociology project with the devil? This concept of your life being an animated presentation of the LORD’s handy work. We could hover the key points in Job’s life or, the disciple’s like a Prezi hover overflow. Drafting an epistle chronicling the testimonies that had manifested on the path to their destination. Like Paul who cried out to the LORD about the thorn in his side. While the LORD replied “HIS grace was sufficient;” so we could look to Paul’s walk for insight into our struggles. Could it be that only the experiences that negatively affect us are the lessons needed to learn how to move forward?             Would Job have behaved differently? I looked back to see how Job responded to his situation. Similar to a lot of believers, he worshipped. Tried and tested believers do not lose their nerve at the first sight of trouble. Yet, as the trial drags on that unspoken expiration date draws near causing doubt a

     What if Job knew that he was a guinea pig in the LORD’s sociology project with the devil? This concept of your life being an animated presentation of the LORD’s handy work. We could hover the key points in Job’s life or the disciples like a Prezi hover overflow. Drafting an epistle chronicling the testimonies that had manifested on the path to their destination. Like Paul who cried out to the LORD about the thorn in his side. While the LORD replied HIS grace was sufficient; so we could look to Paul’ s walk for insight into our struggles. Could it be that only the experiences that negatively effect us are the lessons needed to learn how to move forward? Would Job have behaved differently? I looked back to see how Job responded to his situation. Similar to a lot of believers, he worshipped. Tried and tested believers do not lose their nerve at the first sight of trouble.        Yet, as the trial drags on that unspoken expiration date draws near causing doubt and anxi

     Heads or tails? Life and death are two sides of the same coin. Why does it seem like death is being celebrated in the media? All these images force me to watch depictions of my heart beating outside of my chest. Every day we are informed of the death toll increase. At the time these strokes grace my keys the Texas number of confirmed Covid cases is 432,000 and 6,991 deaths. Not as much emphasis is placed on the recoveries. We see countless pictures of hospitals and doctors with makeshift personal protective equipment but, few smiling faces of the 260,542 people who held on to life long enough to share the love of those they believe are worth fighting death to see again.             This barrage of death got me to thinking about how humans place value on life. How does one measure life? What is a life worth? Covid is not the introduction of death but, it forces everyone to have a conversation with themselves about the impact of death. All the death in the media is not l

     “Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.” “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1. Thank you to all the individuals who have checked on my mental health in these times. At my core I continue to find my anchor in Christ. No matter how high or how low I find myself I hold to my Savior. This strategy eases my spirit. My emotions find safety in my art. It keeps being stated we are not a monolith. The connection of that truth in the relationship of joy and pain has been resonating in my spirit for weeks. These strange bedfellows have been such a grand soiree in my life. I am told that I was a baby girl beaming with joy.             Only through the new mercies I have experienced over my lifetime have I come to see that happy joyful girl in the mirror for myself. The same way we have universal catch phrases from our parents. We also have this inherited trait of engineering j

     Why are men not afforded the same time to process, heal, and grow from emotional trauma?  Do they not give it to themselves?  Is the stigma too great?  Is there an overarching societal oppression hindering them from being able to be vulnerable?  The newfound intentional awareness the answer to all these questions is a resounding, yes.  This fact weighed heavy on my heart today.  I had a “When I looked back over my life, and I think things over,” kind of day.  I marveled at how I have been kept.  HE kept me ; has been on repeat in my heart.  Why is it as a female I can declare this welcomed with grace, love, and encouragement?  While a man is expected to shoulder through?   So many challenges on the internet I issue a challenge to acknowledge men in your life.  Tell men in your life that you appreciate the role they play in your life.  I choose to acknowledge my brothers.  These men have impacted me in so many ways.  When I consider the masculine demonstration of “ HE kept me, ” t

     “When you don’t know what to do; you do what you know .” Pastor Jeana Gilligan. Over the unfolding of our lives we have caught and taught life knowledge through the unveiling of our experiences. I challenge us to stop behaving instinctively and, start being intentional. We have to consciously choose the wisdom we have been taught; rather than fall subject to the effortlessly drawing nature of our heart’s desires. Famously stated, it took forty years to get Egypt out of the children of Israel. But, how long did it take Egypt to get into them?        Similar to the Israelites; we have more years in bondage than out of bondage. Being a slave is more familiar than walking in liberty. Using unhealthy coping strategies more readily available to provide an appearance of temporary relief opposed to reliance on the Holy Spirit based on our compulsions. We are the sum total of our experiences. Some were deliberately taught to us. We were taught the golden rule, we were taught to

     You might be churchy if?...... You have a wish list that you keep hidden filled with the desired profile of your mate. This list is fine for all the positive reasons the WORD encourages us to be intentional about our prayers such as…. “Write the vision and make it plan, build a memorial here, hide these words in your heart, etc.” However, how often do we have hidden traits? Our unexpressed, unacknowledged additional desires and expectations from our partner, mate, or spouse.        We expect that person to be a source of encouragement, validation, joy, and peace. We do not write those things on the lists because we may not be consciously asserting that expectation. Yet, we often times expect it from all of our relationships. So, even when our loved ones affirm us, encourage us, motivate us. Why do we still feel like they don’t give us what we want? The Lord will not allow it. GOD desires to be our source of validation alone. This is not for punishment or manipu

     On 1/7/19 I published an article about the church hurt I was experiencing. I received an out pour of individuals who were able to identify with my observations and experiences. After many tears, a lot of forgiveness, a ton of reminding that “no matter how much it hurt” the LORD has never left me. The promise to never leave me nor forsake me is as true today as it was on my darkest day. In my process of rising from the ashes I have been reminded of who I belong to. That is what my painful experience was allowed to reveal. The only reason those individuals could hurt me was because I gave them more authority than GOD in that moment. It is uncomfortable to admit , but my failure to be honest and transparent eliminates my ability to share my growth.        Either I believe that i am a new creature in Christ or, i do not. Like every biblical example you think of for the mistreatment of others. Like rap lyrics that proclaim only God can judge. No matter how condemned by the word