HE Got me

    You might be churchy if?...... You have a wish list that you keep hidden filled with the desired profile of your mate. This list is fine for all the positive reasons the WORD encourages us to be intentional about our prayers such as…. “Write the vision and make it plan, build a memorial here, hide these words in your heart, etc.” However, how often do we have hidden traits? Our unexpressed, unacknowledged additional desires and expectations from our partner, mate, or spouse. 

     We expect that person to be a source of encouragement, validation, joy, and peace. We do not write those things on the lists because we may not be consciously asserting that expectation. Yet, we often times expect it from all of our relationships. So, even when our loved ones affirm us, encourage us, motivate us. Why do we still feel like they don’t give us what we want? The Lord will not allow it. GOD desires to be our source of validation alone. This is not for punishment or manipulation. In fact, it is the opposite. We are draining the emotional capacity of our relationships because we are holding back our vulnerabilities from our Heavenly Father. Admittedly, saying them out loud hurts a little bit. So, what does this teach us? What is being revealed? 

     This revelation cuts deep for me. Alas, i am learning that i have to know that i am enough all by myself. I was knit together in my Mother’s womb and greater is HE that is in me than, doubt, insecurity, low self esteem, fear, and all those other internal challenges we try to combat externally. I know this as fact. I am bombarded by doubts birthed from negative experiences as well. I am not saying we are not our brother’s keeper. I am saying that though my first thought is call my best friend. My first act is to tell Holy Spirit i am not okay; my heart hurts, i feel sad, i feel defeated, i know what Your word says. i am having a human moment. “Since we have a High Priest who has entered heaven, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses for He faced all the same testings we do.