Villain's Monologue

    I am the villain in someone’s story. Whether or not I earned the title they have assigned my role is irrelevant. I have been categorized according to their experience. I have been having a hard time coming to grips with this truth. Yet, I have arrived at this location. There were several events and circumstances that forced me to do the reflection needed to come to this conclusion. The primary catalyst was my trying to find a rationalization for someone who hurt me. 

     Maturing past the point of needing to have closure, but not evolved enough to not need to make sense of it all. In Spite of the fresh scars on my soul I have been challenging myself to figure out the hows and the whys. I dared look at the us objectively. I saw me on the table laid bare with my insides exposed. This type of self surgery is a different type of pain. I have shared with confidantes that power dynamics have little to do with bullying. I know this experientially. 

     For example, the pierce of an ungrateful adult child throwing the blood, sweat, and tears of nurture in that parent’s face. As people of color oftentimes the only inheritance we can obtain is to be able to care for ourselves. This truth can evoke a sense of abandonment, however, knowing all the opportunities that a parent has provided for that child they see their sacrificial investment being shattered. The surgery also revealed that speaking out is only acceptable as long as I am singing praise, but when I express a boundary my words have to wrestle with the refusal of others to change behavior.

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