Lie to Me in Person

Let me see you! Say it to my face. The shrugged shoulder I used to deflect your blows caused deep wounds in your soul. I learn how to better love me by watching you push me away. I learn what not to get offended by; taking notes to what you raise your finger at. Raised finger, like going to church and tipping out asking permission of a master not present. I sought you out. I chased you into the darkness of pain. I feel because of the pain. You masked a weapon you created as a salve. The door would not open. I knocked and knocked wondering how to get inside to the one I love. The one whose voice beckoned to me from the small, dark, love deprived room locked inside of you. The one I fight for holding the key the whole time. Deceived by the snare of self righteousness I am left to fight my better judgement. Fight my limitations. Fight my gut feelings. Fight my consistent bad experiences. Keep your raincheck for a twenty four hour appointment. No one puts me in timeout. Look me in the eyes and explain or, leave me be all together. I am tired. I am weak. I am worn. Through the storm and through the night. I shall not lay here restless without explanation. No good time to say goodbye but, when later is dictated by one-sidedness one has to make a resolve. I apologize for hurting you. My intentions and motivations need not go on trial. I'm busy tomorrow and the next day. My time is ticking away. I have lost enough of it. Love hides a mulitude of faults. I found a land mine of faults. Where is the love? I am not comparing our hurts but, the grace? Where was my grace? I showed you grace even though you had no sensitivity to my state of being because you were blinded by your unhealed heart. Rather than suppress to become bitter I shared my disgust for lack of acknowledgment. Two wrongs don't make a right. Two rights don't change a hurt. Hurt people, hurt people. Take as much time as you need. Just leave me to my adjustments to your absence that have been pending since the last we agreed to part. Stop kicking over the ball healing that I begin. Weaving your random tangled tries into my ball of yarn that my support system is helping me knit into a sweater. That is where I have found my saving grace. in the interwoven arms of women who lift me up and love back on my feet.