Unhappy you asked......

I can't be an autopilot christian? No, really; I can't put a bit in my mouth and follow where my steps are ordered? I surrendered to my Captor. Is He not responsible for my well being? How does that work? How do I have free will but I surrendered my all. I filter my choices through the bars of righteousness. The challenge is not the filtering but, the challenge of identifying my desires. They are in my heart. HE has access to the list because my heart is His possession. Gift wrapped, humbly presented the last time I yielded to the revelation of sonship. Not owned but a seed, with all rights to eat the table. Revelation fully manifested, I believe I belong at that table but, I don't know how to act. I don't know to operate in this environment. I watch my siblings but, we have different desires. I don't want what they want. Does that mean my choices go unspoken because I fear the backlash of an incorrect selection. Why is this difficult? We had a system. I give YOU my heart. I follow YOU, and YOU tell me what to do. Now, something has changed. The voice hasn't left or turned off but, the response is more dialogue than monologue. I will study Abraham he was your friend. This is a new height, I am not aligned, the air is hard to breathe because the lack of discipline in me is not accustomed to having autonomy. Alas, I make the choice to digest truth, that my choices will strain through a heart like yours. A renewed heart with healthy motives, expecting fruit to bring YOU more glory.

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